(519): On a scale of one to America, how free are you this weekend?

(519): On a scale of one to America, how free are you this weekend?


(573): BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT

(573): BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST

TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL

AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT


(585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my “tremendous ass.” You tell me how my night is going.

(585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my “tremendous ass.” You tell me how my night is going.


(703): there’s an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face

(703): there’s an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face


(256): He’s short and fat and honestly I think he’s what my self esteem was made for

(256): He’s short and fat and honestly I think he’s what my self esteem was made for


(253): Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

(253): Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf


(832): Best feedback on my performance so far: “There are things that can’t be unseen.”

(832): Best feedback on my performance so far: “There are things that can’t be unseen.”


(843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

(843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that


(503): At this point I think you’re just judging my taste in men

(503): At this point I think you’re just judging my taste in men


(401): Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse

(401): Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse