(402): Dude, did you really “knight me” and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
(720): So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money…but i just bought a sword.
(512): Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good.
Meanwhile, in Leicester.
(740): Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
(210): You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is ‘at least I’m still alive’
(254): I’ve shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours… Never trust a fart when u pass 30
(207): And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
(267): Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
(306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
(306): I’m romantic.
(336): I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening’s antagonist
