Or: What would’ve happened had the Puritans found Charles II while he was hiding in an oaktree.
(210): I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
(647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
(520): It’s… I don’t even know. there’s lots of rap music and I can’t find my shoes
(+44): Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
(906): I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
(503): Soooo, coming over soon?
(541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
(412): I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
(+61): I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
